A Dream Goes to Sleep

What do you do when a dream dies? Can a dream die? Does waking up put a dream to sleep? Today, officially when I press “post,” a dream will have died or gone to sleep. Sometimes metaphors escape me. Winter’s trees are starting to bud.  For now, they stand naked, vulnerable; some would even call them stark. You can see their broken, bent, and misshaped branches.  One could even say, against the blue sky they stand with a dignity spring and the glory of autumn will never know.

My journey has been like winter’s trees. Unlike the dignity with which they stand, I preferred to hide in the canopy of spring. I have written of nature’s whispers, the simple joy of being alive, and the wonder of this gift called life. I am, very much, a simple child at heart.  It has been a journey of affirming healing long sought. The losses have been great both personally and collateral damage. And still, with childlike trust I keep walking the path and gathering the tapestry’s threads.

One whisper, one thread I could not hide from or ignore. And so, today, like winter’s naked trees, in one fell swoop the canopy of spring is disrobed.  The disrobing is swift as I tell any who may pause to read, that my little heart has put her whispers in a small wee book called Whispered Grace. Simple scriches. Some you have read here. A website/blog has been created and launched today:  http://www.whisperedgracebook.com/

I do not know how to or if I will continue to use the two blogs or migrate to one. How does one leave a home like this that has been my sanctuary and mantra…affirming healing. My hope would be somehow a Facebook or page where others can record the whispers they hear during the day, to describe their own winter and spring tree dance. I began this space so that others would know they were not alone. The path, is in truth, well worn. Logistics are logistics. I only know today a dream has died or gone to sleep. For though I wrote so that others would know they were not alone, I dreamed I could remain alone and hidden, not even using my name to identify the one who posted.

And so….. Hello. My name is Beth Chapman. I like to walk in nature. Sometimes nature whispers gifts of hope. Sometimes nature makes me laugh. I am so far from perfect you’d probably shudder but I try. Sweet mercy I do try. I have been on a long long journey dreaming I could stay hidden and out of sight. And so I step out and offer my heart like nature’s winter trees. I know my writings seem childlike and sometimes see joy and possibility in a world that would say naught. But still I believe. Still I trust. Still I laugh in awe and delight. And still I know none of us are alone. Now, to live awake with healing affirmed in whispered graces. Hello… my name is Beth Chapman and I've written a wee tiny book that I dreamed could not, would not ever happen. Another dream put to sleep. And my heart is laughing.

With hands to my heart and bowing deeply, Namaste.

Trail of Joy

And let it be known, that yes, I join the trees in their dance of life. May all others join who travel upon the trail of my life.

Present Presence

Nature has never failed to delight my heart when I go and seek her sanctuary. Sometimes, though, when I just go to go without asking or needing, those are the times I notice...she has a seat waiting for me. May I always have eyes to see Life's welcome.

Life in Totality

I was pondering the preciousness of the moment as it was, the simple abundant moment of now. There is nothing I can do to change the past. The future cannot be held. All I have is this one moment. To meet it fully alive and aware. Looking up, there she was. The grace of the moon mid afternoon beautifully haunting against the blue sky. The illumination of dark sharing the illumination of day. With a smile and chuckle, what better image of meeting life in its totality, this moment, now.

Diamonds

For those who have endured such a winter, a meager and already melting half inch of snow is not exactly breaking news. But here where the mountains have been shrouded in dust, last night gifted rare and precious diamonds. Even the droplet contained a lake. Abundance.

I can see so many metaphors of life. I can see so many ways to take this droplet and weave it into my moving through life. But this morning, this drop, this diamond waiting to fall upon the waiting earth is simply that. To appreciate and give thanks for a droplet as it is.

Clarity to See

I, who am never far, if ever, from my camera, passionately avoid all photos of self. But the email inquired as to how my failing eyes were doing and after giggling I could not resist. I know as long as they gift the sight of compassion I shall have clarity. For what is 20/20 if I cannot see the heart, pain, joy, and potential in either myself or another? And so I attached the picture with a little happy face icon and replied... Boo! I see you.

A Smile Alive

Have you ever felt your face smile?

I fed the birds and came inside hoping the promised light snow would come and coat the drought hardened earth that had known only the shroud of blowing dust. I don't remember walking to the window, but there I was. I saw the birds hopping and fluttering around the feeder. And suddenly I felt my face smile. I could feel every muscle move, the eyes change and the body melt. Visceral and sensual as if another had touched my body, I felt the smile. No explanation needed. And the snow began to fall.

Dribbling Now

An image shared the other day returned with such delight and a twist. And if I say I love hot dogs and later say I love you....Would you see yourself squeezed between two buns and smothered in ketchup, mustard and relish? Or would you see the abandon and playfulness I experience eating a hot dog, and the joy of dribbling mustard and ketchup as I forego convention and immerse in the delight of the experience, this moment fully lived and alive with you?

Turning to Hear

I walked with the dancing wind roaring in my ears. I wanted to hear the trees dance and would turn my body til I heard the ocean tree waves cresting and falling with the wind. I laughed. Then I pondered how in turning to hear, my view had changed. To hear I had to turn my body. With the gentle sound of wind and trees I wondered if the trees had been a person, would he or she think I had turned away? Would they think the turning of my body meant I was not listening? In truth, I was not turning away, I was in fact turning so that I could intently hear and feel every word and sound.

I know to some, my journey seems as confused and tangled as the thicket of trees. I know some think I turned away when I sought my heart. They did not, do not know, how hard the turning to hear was and has been. Nor how intently and beautifully I can hear their songs and words...and my own instead of the roar. They do not see what waited for me in the thicket's beautiful and mysterious tangles. I too almost missed. But in turning to hear...it waited to greet. I had to enter the thicket. I had to turn to hear.

To Turn not Run

Sometimes when I read world events or others share the pain inflicted in their lives, I do confess my heart feels despair. I do not understand cruelty. This morning the sounds of nature gifted Kabir's words that we do not have to run and seek gardens to see a flower, the gardens and flowers are all contained within our hearts.

I flinched...giggle. My heart too contains cruelty? Eeek. But yes, it does. All hearts are one. All life within. And as I opened my eyes the sun rested upon a single flower stem and I laughed. Oh yes, to acknowledge and be mindful of the ability to hurt, but to choose what I focus upon. To see the flower bent towards the sun and the tiny buds waiting to unfold and know the touch. A twist upon Kabir's words to think I do not have to run from or seek either. I have only to turn towards the sun. Today, today, I shall leave sun warmed pink petals for all and nurture the tiny bud within. A grand day indeed!

Gnarly Celebrated

Of all things held sacred and cherished, that I am not perfect is most dear. When I think of perfection and then the healing, joy, tears and sweat of growth of learning,and humanness, for now the latter is perhaps the sweetest. Giggle, like an orange it squirts you in the face.

Goggle'd Mind

The morning meditation burst into laughter. I realized my mind had gone Google on me and was returning 10,000+ thoughts and memories in 3.7 seconds. In my laughter I heard a sound. With a smile I shut the mind's browser down and listened to the birds.

Delighted Certainty

A morning gift as the coffee gifted a dance of steam and tiny droplets leaping in the air. My laughter joined the dance and swirled in awe. The certainty and clarity of life's path is neither possible nor necessary. What is certain, what is ever so clear....is the joy and awe when I pause and see.

Morphing Acceptance

Acceptance. I do love the texture of words. Acceptance is a most mindful word. But, like the word "love" used so much I wonder if like "love" it has lost its texture. I recall a friend within a five minute span saying "I love this hot dog" and "I love you." I laughed to think of myself squeezed between two buns swimming in mustard, ketchup, and relish.

Today, I think I shall morph "acceptance" into "respect." I wonder if the world has woven "acceptance" into a burden to be carried and weighting us down under the load. To "respect" is to honor. Honor for what is. Its roots refer to relationship, regard, and literally to "look at." Ahhhh, to truly look at this moment, experience, feelings with relationship, regard, and consideration. Yes, I think today I shall practice respect.

Startled Soul

Sometimes I rub these precious failing eyes as they struggle to see and wonder how long the gift will be mine. Then to turn their gaze upward and see. Sweet mercy the gift, as it is, startles my soul with joy.

Now's Dare

The whisper so simple and yet it startled. Would I think that Source, God, the Divine or Creator would be content or desire to be put on hold til tomorrow, some day when, or if only this? This moment, right now, perfect as it is and abundant in its gifts and awe. Not even the tree's bud felt it had to wait for spring.

So May My Eyes

In the midst of winter's gray, a brown leaf, lifeless, by all accounts, and ready to return its form back to the earth. And yet its image brought me to a complete stop. Lifeless? Colorless or at the least drab? Crumpled and fragile? The sun's gentle touch thought otherwise and illuminated its beauty. So may the light of my eyes upon all life.

Unnoticed Day

That our hearts and love were such that this day would go unnoticed. Simply another day of love's outpouring.

Not Absent

So many hues, shapes, textures, and designs. Mountain clouds and runways for cloud planes to takeoff. The earthbound mountains like a stadium filled to watch the spectacle unfold.

Oh if you could but have been there to see and feel the morn and hear the gentle music playing as the sky danced. And then a sweet smile of knowing....close your eyes and breathe softly. You were. You are.

The Gift Received

Have you ever seen a ghost from the past? An image of one long ago who could not, should not be there as you drive past but you know, believe, that the image is not a ghost? How quickly our minds and brains engage and flood all senses and emotions. Time loses its boundaries and there all is once again.

I sat on my cushion and pondered the ghost. Gently I whispered “I welcome you fear. I welcome you courage. I welcome you love. I welcome you pain. I welcome all that is right now and all that was.” A while back I wrote that no one leaves holes in our hearts, they are but kneeling prints where a gift was laid. Did the ghost carry that same belief?

Perhaps I am at last the perfection they once dreamed. Perhaps the failures were only perceived. More likely, and in truth, I am the person I am now. There is no forgiveness necessary. There is only absolution. I simply am me and the me I am has been shaped by the ghost.

I opened my eyes in time to see a feather dance its way to the ground. A gentle smile and I went outside to retrieve. As I approached, the feather the playful wind scooped it up. The feather danced away. A gentle tear of joy and my hands went to my heart. I bowed in grace. I bowed in joy. I bowed as I am. No need to chase….the gift had long ago been received.