Do not love me anyway

Surrounded by tires and car things, I waited while my car was serviced. I was suddenly jolted by the chorus sung on the radio station, "You love me anyway." Each time the chorus repeated I felt the same jolt. My little heart stomped her feet and I went aside and looked to the sky, the trees, felt the vibration of cars driving by and the wind and sun upon my face. That is wrong! "Anyway" implies judgment. "Anyway" smacks of there is a right or wrong, a good enough and not good enough. No, I do not want to be loved anyway.

The Sweet Hands of Life do not love me anyway. I do not want to be loved anyway. If there must be an adjective, then let it be out. I want to be loved out. I want to be loved out of my complacency. I want to be loved out of my fear, disbelief, sense of unworthiness. I want to be loved out of my comfort zone. I want to be loved out of my warm cozy house and walk in nature even the bitter cold in which she stands. I want to be loved out of comfortable air conditioning and feel the sun melt and drip upon my body during the heat. I want to be loved out of rigidness and shields. 

To be loved anyway is a condition and subject to change. To be loved out is a verb. To be loved out is to move to, move towards, it is flow, it is giving and receiving, it is unconditional. To be loved out, is the ultimate vulnerability. Do not love me anyway. Love me out. 

I will love myself out.