We all have rooms

We all have rooms, doors, closets or even sheds where the depth of our brokenness remains hidden.  Even the “No Trespassing” signs and barriers apply to us.  We do not want to remember those moments, hours, days, months or perhaps even years.  However fleeting the memory, it is enough to catch a glimpse of the door and remember.  Like the survivors of tornadoes, hurricanes, fires, floods or bombings, we stand clutching a broken picture frame as we gaze upon the destruction, the absence of what was, before quickly turning away.

I have not made peace with the door.  We have signed a truce.  It has made a persuasive argument for squatter’s rights having lingered in my soul for so many seasons.  In the legal world, if I had given notice to the squatter, the occupied land or shed would be mine.  Because I never told it to leave, never gave notice or attempted to evict, by default, I have surrendered the space.  Going forward, we will have to learn to cohabitate and live together.

Some gardens are meant to be wild.  Never weeded or pruned, their elegance is in their natural wildness and dance.  The order of nature determines the boundary and inhabitants.  Other gardens require more attention; nature’s fragility requests a helping hand to keep out unwanted squatters.  I will not tend the room’s garden.  Nature’s time will do her own pruning. Instead I need to learn to not waste my energy or strength trying to tame what should be wild, carefree and chaotic harmony.  I need to learn to focus my attention only upon those areas that may not be as strong or require vigilance to keep out unwanted weeds.  Not questioning or trying to tame creativity, laughter, love, and simple exuberance.  Diligent, however, with evicting the squatters -when I speak negatively of myself, let fear hold me back or dare to think I am unloved. 

We all have rooms, doors, closets or even sheds where the depth of our brokenness remains hidden.  But the house of Life in which I have been placed is ever so large and filled with both wild and tamed gardens.  The nature of life is to prune.  The nature of life is beauty.  The nature of life is vast and unexplored.  We all have rooms….Life is filled with gardens.  I choose the gardens over the room knowing one day, where a room once stood, a new garden will emerge sown from the rich moist soil of my heart.