Gather no more

"I've asked for forgiveness. I've owned my wrongs. But how can I ever undo all that I've done?" Her question still rings in my heart. I could only reply that we cannot undo. To try is to become immersed in quicksand. We can only go forward in love and gather no more. "But what if the consequences come back to haunt me?" There may be consequences but love and acceptance know no ghosts.

A stranger's question. A stranger's reply. Why I leave this here I am not sure. Another thread perhaps in the tapestry that knows there are no strangers when the heart seeks to gather no more.

Dribbling Now

An image shared the other day returned with such delight and a twist. And if I say I love hot dogs and later say I love you....Would you see yourself squeezed between two buns and smothered in ketchup, mustard and relish? Or would you see the abandon and playfulness I experience eating a hot dog, and the joy of dribbling mustard and ketchup as I forego convention and immerse in the delight of the experience, this moment fully lived and alive with you?

Turning to Hear

I walked with the dancing wind roaring in my ears. I wanted to hear the trees dance and would turn my body til I heard the ocean tree waves cresting and falling with the wind. I laughed. Then I pondered how in turning to hear, my view had changed. To hear I had to turn my body. With the gentle sound of wind and trees I wondered if the trees had been a person, would he or she think I had turned away? Would they think the turning of my body meant I was not listening? In truth, I was not turning away, I was in fact turning so that I could intently hear and feel every word and sound.

I know to some, my journey seems as confused and tangled as the thicket of trees. I know some think I turned away when I sought my heart. They did not, do not know, how hard the turning to hear was and has been. Nor how intently and beautifully I can hear their songs and words...and my own instead of the roar. They do not see what waited for me in the thicket's beautiful and mysterious tangles. I too almost missed. But in turning to hear...it waited to greet. I had to enter the thicket. I had to turn to hear.

As Is

The dance of the drought hardened earth's dust and wind shrouding the mountain, in so many ways, took my breath. The invisible made visible. The visible almost invisible. And as my fingers touched the dust resting upon my face, I had to giggle and wonder in awe, "Where my friends have you come from? How many miles and years have you traveled, now to kiss my cheek?" The wonder of the present moment, without story or judgement, simple awe.

To Turn not Run

Sometimes when I read world events or others share the pain inflicted in their lives, I do confess my heart feels despair. I do not understand cruelty. This morning the sounds of nature gifted Kabir's words that we do not have to run and seek gardens to see a flower, the gardens and flowers are all contained within our hearts.

I flinched...giggle. My heart too contains cruelty? Eeek. But yes, it does. All hearts are one. All life within. And as I opened my eyes the sun rested upon a single flower stem and I laughed. Oh yes, to acknowledge and be mindful of the ability to hurt, but to choose what I focus upon. To see the flower bent towards the sun and the tiny buds waiting to unfold and know the touch. A twist upon Kabir's words to think I do not have to run from or seek either. I have only to turn towards the sun. Today, today, I shall leave sun warmed pink petals for all and nurture the tiny bud within. A grand day indeed!

Gnarly Celebrated

Of all things held sacred and cherished, that I am not perfect is most dear. When I think of perfection and then the healing, joy, tears and sweat of growth of learning,and humanness, for now the latter is perhaps the sweetest. Giggle, like an orange it squirts you in the face.

Goggle'd Mind

The morning meditation burst into laughter. I realized my mind had gone Google on me and was returning 10,000+ thoughts and memories in 3.7 seconds. In my laughter I heard a sound. With a smile I shut the mind's browser down and listened to the birds.

Delighted Certainty

A morning gift as the coffee gifted a dance of steam and tiny droplets leaping in the air. My laughter joined the dance and swirled in awe. The certainty and clarity of life's path is neither possible nor necessary. What is certain, what is ever so clear....is the joy and awe when I pause and see.

True Voice

In joy and pain I have sat with others, and myself, and wondered what could I possibly say? Words seem so bulky. Then in the silence to know only the gift of 'thank you' to the little heart that feels and in truth, tis the only voice I need.

Morphing Acceptance

Acceptance. I do love the texture of words. Acceptance is a most mindful word. But, like the word "love" used so much I wonder if like "love" it has lost its texture. I recall a friend within a five minute span saying "I love this hot dog" and "I love you." I laughed to think of myself squeezed between two buns swimming in mustard, ketchup, and relish.

Today, I think I shall morph "acceptance" into "respect." I wonder if the world has woven "acceptance" into a burden to be carried and weighting us down under the load. To "respect" is to honor. Honor for what is. Its roots refer to relationship, regard, and literally to "look at." Ahhhh, to truly look at this moment, experience, feelings with relationship, regard, and consideration. Yes, I think today I shall practice respect.

Startled Soul

Sometimes I rub these precious failing eyes as they struggle to see and wonder how long the gift will be mine. Then to turn their gaze upward and see. Sweet mercy the gift, as it is, startles my soul with joy.

Now's Dare

The whisper so simple and yet it startled. Would I think that Source, God, the Divine or Creator would be content or desire to be put on hold til tomorrow, some day when, or if only this? This moment, right now, perfect as it is and abundant in its gifts and awe. Not even the tree's bud felt it had to wait for spring.

So May My Eyes

In the midst of winter's gray, a brown leaf, lifeless, by all accounts, and ready to return its form back to the earth. And yet its image brought me to a complete stop. Lifeless? Colorless or at the least drab? Crumpled and fragile? The sun's gentle touch thought otherwise and illuminated its beauty. So may the light of my eyes upon all life.

The Moment's Inherent Awe

The moon last night so amazing in her veil of clouds dance. The clouds were not hiding her light nor were they making her beauty greater. It was simply the moment, the wind, and position of clouds and moon. She was no less beautiful in her solitary stance much higher in the sky. Oh that I, and all, could embrace such beauty, truth, and joy. No moment needing more. No moment ever less. Sweet mercy the awe of Life’s perfect dance.

Unnoticed Day

That our hearts and love were such that this day would go unnoticed. Simply another day of love's outpouring.

Not Absent

So many hues, shapes, textures, and designs. Mountain clouds and runways for cloud planes to takeoff. The earthbound mountains like a stadium filled to watch the spectacle unfold.

Oh if you could but have been there to see and feel the morn and hear the gentle music playing as the sky danced. And then a sweet smile of knowing....close your eyes and breathe softly. You were. You are.

The Gift Received

Have you ever seen a ghost from the past? An image of one long ago who could not, should not be there as you drive past but you know, believe, that the image is not a ghost? How quickly our minds and brains engage and flood all senses and emotions. Time loses its boundaries and there all is once again.

I sat on my cushion and pondered the ghost. Gently I whispered “I welcome you fear. I welcome you courage. I welcome you love. I welcome you pain. I welcome all that is right now and all that was.” A while back I wrote that no one leaves holes in our hearts, they are but kneeling prints where a gift was laid. Did the ghost carry that same belief?

Perhaps I am at last the perfection they once dreamed. Perhaps the failures were only perceived. More likely, and in truth, I am the person I am now. There is no forgiveness necessary. There is only absolution. I simply am me and the me I am has been shaped by the ghost.

I opened my eyes in time to see a feather dance its way to the ground. A gentle smile and I went outside to retrieve. As I approached, the feather the playful wind scooped it up. The feather danced away. A gentle tear of joy and my hands went to my heart. I bowed in grace. I bowed in joy. I bowed as I am. No need to chase….the gift had long ago been received.

Dormancy's Dance

Last year's growth says to the cold and moisture "Come and rest upon me." What some might see as dormant and without life transforms the two into one. A resting place for life. Dormancy's dance with life.

What It's All About

In the morning I do enjoy festive uplifting music after meditation. This morning I wanted to sing and sought a song to capture the joy in my heart. I wanted my song to be the sun on a gray fog shrouded morning. I was amazed how many songs I think of as festive but it is the beat not the words that makes my body laugh. I would listened to the words and wince, giggle.

And as my little dog jumped about, enjoying the dance of music, I surrendered my search. Went to youtube and typed in the name of the song that teased me. My little dog and I danced about the house gifting sun, change, joy, and laughter to the foggy morning, the world, the earth, and all. We put our right foot in, we took our right foot out, and with giggled joy we turned ourselves about. We did the hokey pokey of laughter and life. After all, that's what it's all about......

Mirrored Whisper

I know it will melt. Its melting is simply transforming. Its transformation nurtures the earth with drink. The cracks gift its beauty. The shades of light and dark, smoothness and grit gift texture and shape. Would my life be any different?

Invitation

The curtains closed to separate the outside cold from the warmth inside. Yet the prism cloaked behind the curtains gifts a gentle reminder. To know every moment is an invitation to be open and see.

Gauntlet of Intent

Every child knows the parental voice of "We'll see" actually means "No." The dreaded "We'll see" that drops a child's shoulders. No way you can argue with "we'll see" as the gauntlet of "no" has not been tossed.

In a similar way I pondered how "intention" has been transformed. "He had good intentions." "I intended to..." It has also become a gauntlet-less no, a way to avoid the challenge. And the simple prayer that I may not go through life like a crab with my eyes set one way but my body moves another. That my intent and intentions will be deliberately set like the stones in a river. To accept the effort and the concentration. To be true to my heart and know the joy of "walking" on water trusting the stones of intent.

Exquisite Heartbreak

If I could but possibly grasp the enormity, vastness and fullness of IS I think surely my heart would burst. Oh sweet mercy may I crumple to the ground like children spinning and dancing then falling to the ground laughing. 

May I live to know the exquisite heartbreak of joy imploded.

Nurture embedded

The image of the tree is embedded in the leaf. What was to be became and now is. The image true to its source yet the leaf is unlike the tree. The leaf is unlike all other leaves. With winter's rhythm both leaf and embedded source will return to nurture what is to be, what has become, and what will be.

May all see the image of Life and Love embedded in my presence and uniquely expressed. And may each breath, word, thought, and deed be as giving as the tree held within the leaf.

Life's Perfect Timing

The litany of items I could list that delayed my return home. To see the mountains and winter's trees gifted a drive of soft gentle sweet tears. The list continued upon my return as I tried so hard to get out and walk with nature's mountains and trees.

Finally, just before sunset I scurried out. My heart so wanted to say thank you for nature's presence that traveled with me. As I rounded the bend, there she stood. As if she had been patiently waiting. We just stood and spoke in silence. Slowly she walked back into the mountains. I bowed and watered the drought hardened earth with my tears. The whisper so gentle...there are no delays or detours if I but listen with my heart and look to see what waits for me.

Nature's Cake and Candles

Some birthdays and celebrations are welcomed with cakes and candles. Others are welcomed alone with a quiet stillness and gentle sparkling light. Nature's soft shroud or shawl that offers a slight but strong touch of presence.

Fear is courage waiting to be seen. Weariness is but strength waiting to curl like an ocean wave. Home is but familiarizing the unknown. And the gentle snow falling like streaking candles, the diamond sparkles glistening in the night, is the celebration and birth of Now. I have now walked 240 seasons and none more precious than the one birthed with this breath.